So I’m going to be real with you – I’ve started to date again. It was decision following a conscious break to pour into myself. At first it was so exciting; and then I noticed old thought patterns beginning to come up.

It made me realise that no matter how far you are in your self-love and healing journey there will always be moments and setbacks where you will be invited to take a deeper look into yourself and love that ‘shadow’ part of yourself even more.

I share this as if you’ve been here too, you’re not alone and it is not a ‘failure’ to experience these types of intrusive thoughts. In fact, it’s very natural. Self love is a journey, and just when we think we’ve healed a part of ourself a deeper layer reveals itself.  

Sometimes your ego will come up as a fierce protector because it’s there to stop you from experiencing pain. This can manifest itself through pushing people away, or creating so much doubt that you talk yourself out of a good thing. But this is a false protector, as they do not see anything beyond that. If we don’t open our heart from the fear of pain, we will never truly be able to experience the fullness of love and the pure nourishment it can bring.

In my healing journey I’ve learnt that whilst our your ego is there to serve as a protective mechanism, we have the power to look inward and soothe the part of ourself that requires it. So the next time you feel yourself spiralling, shaming or being hard on yourself, I simply invite you to acknowledge it as an observer. Then when ready, gently but firmly speak to that inner voice with love, as your highest self.

For example, soothing your inner child. Allow them to cry, feel frustrated and when ready imagine you’re rocking them in your arms whilst affirming “it’s okay [insert name], you are safe here with me”. If it feels appropriate tell them you are there to protect them and whatever happened in the past can no longer harm them for you are there. This not only soothes the inner child but builds self trust whilst calming your nervous system. Feel free to repeat, observing without judgment any time you witness these thoughts crop up.

Our experiences no matter how big or small to us can truly have profound impacts in our life and how we operate in our relationships. We somehow choose to hold back or remain small to please others or receive love. But a love like that isn’t worth having. Whether it’s in a family context, friendship, romantic or otherwise. You deserve to be you FULLY. Bring yourself to that table, take space and own your shit no matter how big and bad it is. Want to know why? Because we are human, and perfection does not exist. 

The first step is to acknowledge that this is not for anyone else to heal, but we can be honest and ask for help along the way. From coaches, to our loved ones who see the truth of who we are and what we bring.

I have opened up new slots for 1:1 coaching clients and have created a free 5 day workbook where you can begin to transform into your highest self – click here.

Life is about duality and when we learn to crack our hearts fully open, take active steps to heal those parts of ourselves that feel unlovable only then can we truly taste the sweet nectar of our efforts.

With love,

Kiren x